WHERE DO YOU MEET YOUR MEN?
Just last night while I was chatting with one of my Facebook friends, I was struck with how much struggles a woman goes through in raising her child(ren) alone without the presence or contribution from the baby’s daddy. Now, I know this malaise is very prevalent in the black community where most children grow up in homes where the mothers played dual roles as father and mother, wrapped in one, but still that is no excuse for any man to also want to do it to another woman. I may not know the reasons why most men would behave like this, but one thing I do know, is that it is only in the animal world that the males abandon their young in the care of the mothers and even in the animal world, there are some species, like the penguin where child rearing is done by both parents.
We are humans, wise enough to know the difference between good, bad and depraved, and abandoning our own child, whom we help bring into the world, is nothing less than depraved.
Now, I should not judge, but some women are to blame for the kind of men they end up with, or rather, the kind of men they allow into their bodies to knock them up. There used to be a time when the best place to find a good man was in churches, but that was a very long time ago, cos right now, even in churches, we tend to meet the worse kind of people. I do know the church is a home for sinners, seeking God, but it should also be a place where we ought to meet the right kind of people. Remember when older folks would regale us with stories of how they met their partners in church? The woman was always in the choir and the man was either a deacon or a strong Christian brother. Those days, marriages were the order of the day and they were marked in anniversaries and not in child supports and meetings with divorce lawyers or marriage counselors. Those days, fathers always wanted to take the sons fishing, or play ball and mothers taught the girls how to sew and cook and the family all went to the parks on weekend. How did we lose this? Where did the good men go? Where did the wise virtuous women go? Have we let the society influence us? Must we keep on missing the kind of lives our grandparents lived instead of building on the strong foundation stones they laid for us?
We all have challenges in our lives, but whatever challenge we got, it’s never as big as raising kids alone, with no support whatsoever from one of both parents. Now, women, where do you meet your man? In the club, on the street, in church, on a dating site, or through blind dates? No matter where you met him, how did you present yourself? Did you make yourself cheap? When a man sees a woman as cheap, easy and accessible, he tends to think she’s just there for the pleasure and nothing else and when she’s foolish enough to get pregnant, he treats her like a whore and that’s when he realizes that she may have also been sleeping with other men and starts to deny his seed. Ladies, condoms are cheap, he may be so broke like his morals to get one, but you must always have a pack of rubber with you, especially if you know you attract the wrong kind of men, there are many cheap birth control methods out there, learn to use them, and if you’re so dumb, have someone teach you or go get a manual on how to tell a man to put on a condom. No matter how you think you love a man, never trap him with a child. Never think that if you get pregnant for him, he would want to stay with you.
Don’t be so fast to have sex with a man you’ve just met, you never know his intentions, he may have called you beautiful, bought you gifts, but he don’t own your body, unless you give him power to. I know accepting his gifts would make you wanna pay him back with sex, but for God’s sake, don’t give in if having a child is what you have planned, because he might not be ready and no matter what you say or do, he’d keep avoiding the consequences of his actions.
Ladies, you ought to be careful the kind of men you discuss your problems with. If you are attached to an abusive man, and you decide to go discussing your problem with another man, it’s your funeral. We live in a society where we know our various rights and its fool hardy when you think discussing it with another man, will not make him take advantage of your situation there are qualified and certified people that went to college for that, they are called counselors. I know some women would want to have a sorrowful story as their pickup lines to trap a man, but you are in for a rude shock when you finally have the fool trapped. You should not give a man too much power over you; unless he has proven that, he is worth it. Unless he is your husband, not your baby daddy. In addition, even at that, he should not only be a good husband, but also a better father.
Now, to those women that have two or more kids for various men and are still raising these kids alone, even though I feel pity for you, I am still mad at you. For experience was said to be the best teacher and I wonder how many more kids you should have for different men before you learn that you are the most foolish woman around. You need counseling, you need to put your foot down and say enough is enough; you need to be in somebody’s school or in some church with a woman empowerment program. You are no baby-making machine, when God said be fruitful and multiply, He was not referring to you alone. You are a woman and should be treated with respect but you must also demand to be respected too, show him that you deserve to be respected. You must be mindful of the kind of men you let into your life and if sex is your weakness, you must learn how to have safe sex. If the man says, he don’t wanna have safe sex, just get up and pour him a bucket of hot water. He might say he wants to have a child by you, even after seeing that you already have children from other men, now, when he says that, your warning bells (for those that do have it) should start to ring, for men are like lions, they never want to start a family with another woman who already has children by another man. There are a few exceptions to this though.
Now, WOMAN, look into that mirror that shows you your beauty and your curves and tell that image that you deserve the best man because God took His time when he made you. He formed you out of some man’s rib, let him come find you, do not go seek him out. Adam woke and found eve…you would wake someday and see your Adam…till then, treat yourself to a self-discovery.
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